"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will
teach you to keep your mouth shut."
not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without
Joe E Lewis.
"He was a wise man who invented beer."
problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
"I drink to make other people interesting."
George Jean Nathan.
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample
it had an olive in it."
"Real ale fans are just like train-spotters, only drunk."
stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up
in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."
"I can't die until the government finds a safe place
to bury my liver."
"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol."