Things you only do when your drunkā¦
- Ask for extra-hot chilli sauce on your kebab
- Try and get off with your best mate's girlfriend
- Piss in your girlfriend's cupboard/out the window/anywhere except
in the bathroom.
- Give a running commentary, out loud, on anything you do, even
though you're alone (eg. ah'm gonna go into the kitschen, ah'm
gonna get myshelf A beer, an' ah'm gonna drink it... thatsh whad
am'm gonna do...etc.)
- Get a tattoo/try to tattoo yourself
- Use classy chat-up lines like: "You've got phemoninal...phemonim.....Great
tits. Can I shag you?"
- Fall down open manholes
- Chuck up in the back of taxis
- Climb onto the roof of bus shelters - to get a better view of
the stars, Man
- Pull a moonie
- Think it's really funny to put all your female flatmate's underwear
In the freezer compartment
- Make "punch" out of half a bottle of vodka, a bottle
of red wine, and Some Strongbow
- Drink it
- Get thrown out of a nightclub for taking all your clothes off
- Sing "Beers, beers, we want more beers, all the lads are
cheerin', Get the fookin' beers in. Beers beers we want more beers"
etc. To your Girlfriend's parents.
- Dance as if you are John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.
And bump into things. And break them. And not give a flying f***
about it.
- Make yourself a delicious snack of English mustard on stale
white bread
- Decide that the waste bin would look better on your head
- Fall asleep on the stairs, with your trousers around your ankles
- Decide to walk home, even though it's seven miles away
- Fall asleep in a bus shelter
- Fall asleep on the night bus and wake up at dawn, in the middle
of nowhere, having had your shoes nicked
- Fall asleep with a pint glass full of water on your chest, and
only spill it when you wake up in the morning
- Steal bottles of milk from doorsteps
- Order the hottest curry on the menu
- Ring up every woman in your address book at 2am and say, "Hi,
I was just thinking about you. Maybe we should meet up. Now-ish..."
- Attempt to shag any woman who shows a passing interest in you
- Get into a fight with a taxi driver
- Say, "You're my best mate, you are", to people you've
just met
- Decide that you and your ex-girlfriend really should be together
- Join the French Foreign Legion
- Make a bonfire of photos of your ex-girlfriend
- Get really emotional, put on the most morose record in your
collection and weep about nothing in particular
- Dig out you photo albums, get even more emotional, ring up old
friends who've moved abroad and tell them they're your best mate
ever.
- Attempt to phone the Pope, the Queen, the Whitehouse, etc
- Make lots of inadvisable bets
- Thank cash machines
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